I'm not enjoying this

And I don't just mean the bad run. So far since turning pro I have experienced the 2 worst runs of my poker life and am currently slap bang in the second of them. First one I dropped about $12k and then recovered through dropping down and playing smart. This time I'm about $8k down since the start of the month and literally every single thing I do is wrong.

I get in miles ahead - they hit, I play cautious they don't. My sessions which should be massive wins turn into small wins at best as I get sucked out on for huge pots. Every time I start over I lose more and this is usually through no fault of my own. I know how often things should hit and I know how horrendously I have run since turning pro. It upsets me a lot.

I am currently seriously debating whether this is right for me - I was winning more playing alongside working and was a damn side happier. I've so far failed to get into any good routine on a day to day basis. I'm letting losses disturb me far more than they should and at the moment anything seems like it would be better than this.

I am a winning player, I am a long time winning player and I am having my worst ever month - I've not had a losing month for well over two years - this will be one. And why, well I am not entirely blameless, far from it but I cannot help it if in the last three big pots I've played my equity has been $3.2k and I've got 0 - I can't compete with that, I'm either card dead or I get sucked out on. I almost prefer being card dead.

This current run is really bothering me as I have dropped stakes in sensible fashion - I have played a winnign game and yet my bankroll is tumbling, my confidnce is eroded and when every day starts with a huge loss you kinda lose your motivation to play any more.

I don't want to consider getting a job - doesn't motivate me. I don't want to fail at the one thing I've ever been truly passionate about and I think it is that which concerns me the most. This is what I want to do - I'm still well ahead since beginning in october, more than my salary too but it's no the point.

I am grumpy, sad, miserable even and it's entirely down to my poker - this really is not the idea. This said a couple of decent days and I'm sure I'll feel brighter it's just that I haven't fel this low before and when you get your mentality right every time before playing and then it bites you on the ass it is very hard to cope with. I've shown the last two times I've been in big pots in previous posts and there have not been any positive ones of this nature - how can I run so badly and why does it have to be happening at the time I can least afford it emotionally.

Reason and sense don't come into it any more. I've drawn a line under my losses, accepted what has gone and all I ask is some fairness from my time at the tables. Played 3-6nl earlier. 65- hands - should have AA, KK and QQ 3 times - got each once. Should have flopped at least one set - oh look I got none. It's not like I'm asking much, just the chance to have a hand every so often

God I'm depressed

Steve

I have just smashed things

look at this and tell me I don't run fucking horrendous - 2 big pots today 5 outs and 7 outs all in on turn and both fucking hit


***** Hand History for Game 6693133243 *****
$600 USD NL Texas Hold'em - Wednesday, January 16, 11:40:55 ET 2008
Table Table 125441 (No DP) (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of players : 9
Seat 3: eventhea ( $667.15 USD )
Seat 4: ahlschou ( $618.15 USD )
Seat 7: ABZoR ( $108 USD )
Seat 9: pauldasilva ( $65.63 USD )
Seat 2: PerilPenguin ( $497 USD )
Seat 1: AMSTERDAM691 ( $280.77 USD )
Seat 8: DaGrimR3aper ( $603.75 USD )
Seat 10: hinderk111 ( $251.65 USD )
Seat 5: al57lz93 ( $191.74 USD )
PerilPenguin posts small blind [$3 USD].
eventhea posts big blind [$6 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to PerilPenguin [ Ks Kc ]
ABZoR folds
ahlschou calls [$6 USD]
DaGrimR3aper folds
hinderk111 calls [$6 USD]
AMSTERDAM691 calls [$6 USD]
PerilPenguin raises [$27 USD]
eventhea calls [$24 USD]
ahlschou calls [$24 USD]
hinderk111 calls [$24 USD]
>You have options at Table 125517 Table!.
marmeladova has joined the table.
AMSTERDAM691 calls [$24 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 5s, 2d, Ts ]
PerilPenguin bets [$86 USD]
eventhea calls [$86 USD]
ahlschou calls [$86 USD]
hinderk111 folds
>You have options at Table 125517 Table!.
AMSTERDAM691 folds
** Dealing Turn ** [ 9h ]
PerilPenguin checks
eventhea checks
ahlschou bets [$194.98 USD]
PerilPenguin is all-In [$381 USD]
>You have options at Table 125517 Table!.
eventhea folds
ahlschou calls [$186.02 USD]
** Dealing River ** [ Th ]
ahlschou shows [ Tc, 8h ]three of a kind, Tens.
PerilPenguin doesn't show [ Ks, Kc ]two pairs, Kings and Tens.
ahlschou wins $1,167 USD from the main pot with three of a kind, Tens.

Life bites

Yet again

First large pot of the day all in with 3's over J's and he rivers a Q one of 7 outs to win the pot after it went all in on the turn. How on earth am I meant to win when everything I do right works out like this - it's about 10 days in a row this has happened now and every single time I've been way ahead.

So very very depressing

Starting Afresh

I need to remember what my aims are from playing poker for a living. The main question I need to ask myself is a very simple one

Why do I do this?

There are a multitude of answers to this and all of them help to remind me why getting stressed by short term results is stupid and not really conductive to helping me be successful

So the answers to the question are as below, not in any order by the way.

1. Because I know I will earn a larger amount from playing poker than I would through a standard job and it is certainly the only way I could ever become truly wealthy (this doesn't really matter but success in poker is judged by profits so it's not a bad way of keeping score)

2. Because I am proud of the fact that I can live by my wits and ability and enjoy the challenge on a daily basis

3. So I have the time available to do what I want with my life and don't have to deal with the hassles of a real job. Work has never been a driving force in my life and this career is far far preferable to any job I may ever have.

4. It is the only area where I have ever displayed any ambition. I cruised through school and uni, never struggled in jobs I had and generally took it fairly easy and was on autopilot throughout. I can't do this so much with poker, I have to try, I have to improve and I have to set targets and goals. These are all positive things and when I have my head on straight all give my life some focus and meaning.

5. Because I love the fact I am doing something away from the norm. I like being different and whether I make it work or not I will never ever regret giving myself the opportunity to see if I can make it work for me. I think this will ultimately come down to livestyle rather than profitability - I still have a long way to go to make the lifestyle work for me.

6. When I settle down and have kids I want to be in a position to give them all my time and poker will certainly allow this - can play when I like!


I know I've been whinging in my recent posts, I know I've let myself get down and stressed but long-term I know that it is just something I will have to accept is going to happen from time to time. I like all long term players have bounced back many times and undoubtably will do so again.


Steve

Life hates me

So I am fed up and I decide to play some 5-10nl, not necessarily the best thing to do but then I am a successful player at those stakes. Anyway I have JJ and flop is JT2 two diamonds. I raise the cont bet from player A and he goes all in vreating a $2k pot. He has AA and rivers a fucking A, this is such a massive setback. I know I shouldn't have been playing there but this is just typical of my recent fortune - 8% chance screws me out of $2k it feels wonderful, he didn't even have a diamond which makes it so much worse.

I'm fed up of January, this has been a shit month and I've had enough, this is making me miserable and grumpy and it's just ridiculous, why do bad things happen all the time to me. Oh yeah this was the start of another day - shock horror massive suckout. I honestly wonder whether I'm jinxed at times I just seem to have appalling luck. I am sure it all levels out overall but in the big pots (the ones which actually matter) I seem to run absolutely awfully, I haven;t got all in in that good a position and won often enough for a $2k pot for that loss to be justifiable.

I have been killing myself over the past few days playing for 8+hours and really working hard and it's all been for bugger all as usual. I haven't had a single quality day for over 2 months at poker. Anything over 2.5 buyins at 5-10 I would regard as good and I don't believe I've had one. I know how good I get my money in and this run I've been on just defies belief. I'm so so miserable right now, I want to cry from frustration but can't. I want to not play poker but I can't really do that. I especially want to reload and have a decent amount in my poker account but if I do this it could be a terrible downward spiral if I keep losing like this and I couldn't handle that.

I have a massive urge to reload, it is almost too much to not do but I have promised myself I won't put myself through anything like that again, not after the debacle at omaha which resulted from the single worst run of fortune I'm ever likely to encounter.

Looking at the whole thing from a more coherent and calm perspective it doesn't really matter - I take a day off start over and grind my way back playing 2-4 and 3-6, I have plenty of finance to see me through but it's just not the point really. I am letting myself get stressed, I started this bad run for myself but now it seems that I just keep getting dealt into hands where I have to go bust assuming my opponent play like idiots which it seems they all do.

I hate whinging about my fortune but I really have nothing else to do at the moment, this is eating me up inside and I think I'm going to record my first losing month for over two years which I am not overly impressed by. I think I'm about $6k down for the month so far and unless my fortune turns around it is unlikely to be undone. I'm 6 buy ins at 2-4 from playing some 5-10 and then I need to win over 3 buyins there to get back to where I was when I came home in such a positive and happy place after new year.

I'm fantastic at ruining my day to day existence, it's like a specialty. I don't deserve this and it would be nice to experience a positive run again.

Anyway after a day off I shall have to resume and restrict myself with a bit more stringency to 2-4nl and 3-6nl.

Hope you all have a good day and even if it sucks, trust me I'm feeling worse

Steve

Rebuilding is hard

especially when the first pot of any significance you play each day results in a $400-$600 pot where I get sucked out on when it's all in - very very depressing as it is happening every day.Not much you can do when you get it all in pre AA vs KK and lose though. It's just a really negative way to begin.

My bankroll is currently at $4250 which is okish but shows no particular progress and I am finding this hard going, no sooner do I get ahead than something harsh happens. Ah well at least I am ahead over the past few days so I'll console myself with that

Steve

Hooray for some fortune

And we're back in a more positive frame of mind. I've kept my composure well today although have been absolutely seething inside and let my frustration get the better of me when talking to Nat (not easy to live with a poker player). Anyway I've kept plugging away at the 3-6nl table and have taken my original buyin up from $600 to over $2k.

It always seems to be the way, I drop to 2-4 and 3-6 and despite playing much much more 2-4 due to the availability of tables I win far more at 3-6nl. I don't know why but this game just seems to fit me better and I have a much much higher win rate at it.

Anyway my table roll grew quickly as I flopped top set on a Q62 flop where I'd raised pre and because there was virtually no danger I decided to check and allow a free card. I very rarely do this as you only get in trouble slow playing and often it makes it far easier to put you on the set than when you lead out. Imagine my surprise when one of the two caller pushed all in for $550, I said thanks and scooped the pot against his Q2. Poor play from him and I was a gateful recipient.

Anyway then this hand came up.I was holding 67 in the blinds and the flop came a very kind 345 rainbow. As I said before, often the best way to disguise true strength is to lead out so I duly did so and got two callers of my $18 bet. Turn came a hideous 3 and I decided to check and see where I stood. First player led out $50, I called and then the last player bet all in for over $700!!!

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1931370

Original better folded and I have a huge decision to make. He could quie easily have me beat here but realistically if you had been holding a set or two pair and had just filled up would you make that bet. I thought through the whole hand and decided that his most likely holding was A3 giving him a straight draw too.

With heart in mouth I made the call and hoped I was right and wasn't about to be sucked out on. $1550 pot and my day ressurected was the result.

Steve