That's how I feel. I don't know if I can continue to do this as my supposed living. I am a horrible horrible run of fortune and I'm really questionning my own ability massively right now. Sadly this is coupled with a deep questionning of whether I even want to do this any more. I start well after a week off and win $900 I've dropped $1400 over the past two days through some bad luck some bad play and it hurts.
It hurts really rather deeply and I seem to have lost my joy for the game entirely. Playing doesn't give me any pleasure, I don't really enjoy winning any more and I absolutely detest losing. This hurts!
I've had a really productive day and felt good and simply through playing I've managed to remove my previously upbeat temperment. This is not good. I know I can turn this around but I'm not even sure I want to any more - if I continue doing badly then I quit and go back to working for a living, at least that way I have more stability in my life even if the prospect does not thrill me.
When I started this is was fun, it was exhilerating and it was potentially lucrative. The first two of these have flown out of the window never to be seen again!. I have never ever had to try at anything in my life, academia was easy, job - easy, interviews, mortgage, day to day life - easy.
Poker fitted into this category as well when I had a job, I played, I won consistently over a very long period and life was good. It's different now and I'm not sure I like it very much.
Steve
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2 comments:
steve,
you say that you never had to try at anything in life. that's why you need to keep at this.
it's almost spooky how similar our stories are. i never really had to bust my ass at anything either. if i actually did apply myself, which is rare, i always suceeded and exelled.
poker is the first thing that i have really put a lot of effort into in my life. it has dominated my thoughts for over 4 years, and i am nowhere near as successful as i thought or think i should be and it bothers me. that's a big reason that i keep at it.
i have studied the strategic side of poker and came into my new career with a gameplan. i now focus on learning about the poker lifestyle and poker's mental side. that's why i read blogs like yours instead of watching poker training videos.
it's not that i don't need to learn new things anymore. i am just trying to focus on applying what i have learned. it's sooooo hard to always play "good" and make good poker decisions on and off the table. i believe that i waste, lose at least half a buyin a session due to mental mistakes. this is what i am trying to cutdown on. the "bad beats" will never stop.
im just finishing my 14th month as a pro. i have been as low if not lower than you have mentally. things started to get better for me a few months ago i believe for 2 reasons. i had a lot of big bills due at the end of the year. i did not want to dip into my saved living expenses. i wanted to earn the money and i pretty much did. the 2nd thing was that i switched from full ring nlhe to full ring pot limit omaha hi lo. the variance is much less and i actually get to suckout on the river every now and then. this never happened in nl holdem.
i haven't "made it" yet as a pro, but i'm on a much better track both on the table and mentally. i'm glad that i am sticking it out.
since it's superbowl week in america i'll end with a quote from american football's most famous coach, vince lombardi. "when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
keep your head up,
dave
cheers for the feedback dave, much appreciated. I just need to find my love for the game again as that is the biggest thing that is missing for me right now.
I'm sure I can crack it but I'm just wondering whether it is worth it for me. That said I did decide this was what I wanted to do after a lot of thought and either way I've got to give it a fair crack.
Steve
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