It's really not going well at the moment. I am very seriously debating my future - this has less to do with losing than it does with my lifestyle and how I have conducted myself over the past four months.
During the time I have been a pro I have won more than enough to cover living expenses/mortgage etc and generally be a reasonably successful player. Sadly I have not been at all happy with this and have made a series of hideous errors through my lifestyle.
I have failed to excercise enough which is frankly inexcuseable. I have overplayed when running badly and gotten myself increasingly stressed and frustrated. I have generally been slightly unpredictable to live with as my mood is linked to my performance at the poker table. When I am running awfully as at the moment I don't want to do anything and I mean anything. I don't want to cook, clean, eat, see people, excercise etc etc.
This is obviously not good. I also allow myself to get overtired and strung out and this leads to more mistakes.
Obviously this is not what I want from my choice of career. I know I am a winning player, that is a given. However I may not be strong enough to cope with not having a guaranteed income as bad runs have really really got to me in a big way.
Therefore it is obvious that if I am going to continue along this road in a successful manner I need to get my life in order. I have no desire to return to the world of work, that said if it turns out that I need the structure and social interaction that it brings then I will have to do so. I never disliked my job but it never really inspired or drove me - poker did that.
Now however that I am playing for my living it seems to have sapped the enjoyment somewhat and increased the stress which I feel!
So what am I going to do - bloody good question really!
1. Change my lifestyle to introduce a routine - bed no later than 3am and up by 11am latest, I will even set an alarm to ensure that this happens.
2. Draw a line under all losses this month and start over from my current bankroll of $2600 - 2-4nl until I either rebuild or alternatively bugger it all up.
3. Try to do something productive with my day until nat comes home which doesn't involve poker, clean, watch dvds, walk, shop whatever it may be just something to add some sort of value to my existence.
4. Re-evaluate my position in a month or so. If it isn;t working for me I will accept that and look for a job - I have no intention of letting this happen but if it isn't working for me for either lifestyle or monetary reasons then there is no point continuing.
I know I've not made the most of my last 4 months and desperately need to sort this out. Watch this space to see if I will.
Steve
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9 comments:
steve,
i've been playing for a living for a little over a year. your experiences have been almost a mirror image of mine. it's almost scary. i still haven't worked out all the issues that you are dealing with.
there are a few things you need to do imo. getting on a schedule is a must. i've been working on this a lot. you know as well as i do, that it's hard to keep a schedule when you have no real demands on your time.
you might not think so, but you are playing way too high for the amount of money that you use for your bankroll. if you aren't willing to put the money in your bankroll, than it really isn't part of your bankroll is it? you should have atleast between 50-100 buyins for the level you are playing. $2600 is a joke to be playing between $400 and $1000 buyin no limit. having such short money makes the bad beats hurt even more.
if you don't have rakeback, than you need to get it asap or play on stars to hit supernova. rakeback earns me between $1000-$2000 a month. you can't afford not to have it. it's free money.
i wish i could tell you that the beats will stop. sadly they will not. i, like you, am a tight full ring player, full ring means seeing less flops, which means less chances to make a big hand. it's a lort harder to have a chance to win your money back or add to your winning session playing full ring. i switched from full ring nl holdem to full ring plo8. because of this and have been doing much better since the switch. i don't have what it takes for the 6 max games, but that's where the money is.
don't give up yet. i believe that there is more money to be made from poker than a conventional job. let me know if you have any questions.
good luck,
dave
cheers for the feedback. I know I play a short roll but that is a very deliberate thing on my part - I prefer the money in my bank and then dropping down when i have bad runs - it has served me well for 3 years and isn't something I intend to change.
Obviously this means the beats hurt more but this is something I need to deal with better as having more in my roll won't make me feel much better.
I also disagree with the roll needed for full ring - at holdem the worst run i have ever had has been 8 buyins so I go against conventional wisdom in this.
I play on party and make about $1K a month from rake. This isn't something which I've entered into lightly and I kno things will get better - I've had worse runs (see october)
Thanks for your comments and sharing your similar experiences - kinda helps to know it's not just me
Schedule is the first big step Methinks
Steve
steve,
i don't mean to be a dick, but you obviously need to change somethings. the schedule is important, but bankroll management is the single most important thing when playing for a living.
things that worked for you in the past are no longer working right? there are a lot less fish playing then there used to be. it seems like people still suck because they put their money in bad against you, but the fact is that your style depends on people grossly overplaying hands like top pair and those type of players are few and far between especilally in full ring nl holdem.
this tiny bankroll that you keep online is just simply not going to work anymore. you absolutely must have a bigger playing bankroll. the psychological wholloping you are experiencing is multiplied because you are losing a huge % of your bankroll even if your loss is just a buyin or two. my playing bankroll recently dipped to 40 buyins and i was very very uncomfortable .
simply put, you are most definately going to lose the $2600 you currently have online if you keep playing $400 no limit and higher. there is just no way around this. even if you are willing to replenish your BR with monies you keep offline, the need to do so will probably decimate what little confidence you have left.
another reason for having more money online is that you can spread your money over several sites. you're lucky that you can play all the sites. i'm american so my choices are limited. it seems that you play mostly at party poker. you really need to be playing against the americans if this is the case. tell me what sites you currenlty play. i may be able to point you in some profitable new directions.
remeber Steve, i'm just trying to help you. i know it's hard not to get defensive when your way of doing things is questioned by a complete stranger. also remmber that i have chosen the same path in life as you. i've gone through everything you are going through. i am constanly reading and studying about the "poker lifestyle" that i live (how else would i have come across your blog) from my experience, and the experiences of others like us, i can tell you that you are not going to make it if you don't change your current ways of doing things, on and off the table. i really don't want this to happen to you.
good luck,
dave
Dave,
I wasn't trying to be defensive and I very genuinely appreciate what you are saying about bankroll management and your input on this as a fellow pro who has undoubtably had some rough times whilst playing.
I agree that I need a larger bankroll but I have a slightly different mentality towards this than most. I am simply not comfortable with having that money on a site or sites as once it is there it is money which I have effectively said to myself that I am willing to lose.
I appreciate that I do put myself under uneccessary pressure through my current bankroll and it has led to me playing lower than I would like from time to time. Also this obviously then amplifies the effects of each and every loss.
I think a higher bankroll is important for me to establish and maintain however for me 50 buy ins will never be that amount - I think my ideal amount is 20 and I seriously doubt whether I will ever have a run which would destroy even half of that (unless I am playing omaha - bit different)
I honestly am very aware of the fact that I play of too short a roll and this is something which I need to change and get it up to the 20 buy ins which I would consider to be a happy medium for me to have online.
I've played at most of the sites and hate aspects of most other than party which is primarily why I play most of my poker there.
I really appreciate yours and all other comments which I have had on my blog - hearing things from others who have had similar experiences and can offer insights is a major benefit of writing here which I had not antcipated when I began it.
Apologies if I came across as defensive - I do take on board all comments which I receive as lets face it I'd be an idiot not to!
Good luck at the tables
Steve
why do you like party? what don't you like about other sites? specifically what sites have you played a fair amount on?
dave
i like the software and find it easy to multitable on - i find this a problem on stars, full tilt and mansion where I don't really like the software and look of the screens and find it harder to keep up with play effectively
steve,
I've been playing for a living now for about a year and went through the the same downward trend in lifestyle that you and the other guys went through. Working a job gets you out of the house and gives you human contact with hundreds of people a day. When you play online poker for a living that number goes down to half a dozen or so most days and I think thats what really started to effect my mood and sedintary lifestyle. I was able to get out of my funk by playing in "real life" casinos or bar tournaments at least 3 times a week. Just driving somewhere and hanging out with my new friends in the casino made it so I wasn't a hermit just sitting in my house staring at a screen for 8 hours a day all by myself. I also made it a rule that when I play in real casinos I don't play online at all that day, which gives me a nice break from the screen. Iv'e only been doing this for a about 6 months so far but I definitly feel the change in my well being. Also playing in real casinos gives you a chance to discuss strategy with people who have been playing for years and have far more experience than you do.
P.S. For real casinos I would recommend playing Omaha 8, especially since it rewards tight play and heavily punishes loose play. Which definitly seems to be your game.
Good luck
Hey,
Obviously I can't speak from the pro poker POV, but if you're trying to sort yourself out lifestyle-wise then I've thought of a couple of things you could try out.
If you're set on trying to build a proper routine outside of your poker playing then maybe you should take a leaf out of your poker habits, and keep track of everything.
There's a decent little site called Joe's Goals ( http://www.joesgoals.com/ ) where you can set up a load of different daily goals and bad habits and track them. You could set up a load of goals such as:
Use Rowing Machine
Take a Walk
Go swimming
Clean House
Up before 11.30am
Bed before 3.30am
and some negatives like:
Played poker past point still focussing
Stayed up past 4am
You're always setting yourself targets in-game, so perhaps best thing is to do same outside of that. Set yourself a target of say 30 points (or whatever, depending on how you weight your goals) for the month and choose a reward for if you meet it.
Might also be worth picking a couple of goals exercise-wise too, start logging your sessions and set a target to hit there too (X no. of strokes in 15 mins, X press-ups/sit-ups in a row)
Feel free to ignore this, just thinking an approach that normally works for you in your play might work well outside that too.
Take care and good luck, I've started playing a bit again so maybe i'll see you around in the shallow end if you fancy messing around!
E
I like the idea of playing in live games more often - sadly as a UK citizen choices are somewhat limited if I don't want to play tournament poker. However Dusk till dawn in nottingham is about an hour away by car so it may be a good idea for me to start building in some trips there as I agree the lack of human contact can become a drag and this would be a good way to solve it.
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